A Leak

What are you doing?

Everyday I ask the same thing

And everyday I answer myself the same

I'm mourning

Yearning for a love that was never mine to begin with

And like water flowing, streaming to the unknown

I float along

Addicted?

A possibility

Obsessed?

A little less deadly,yes maybe

I guess I like the distraction

Conditioning myself to the improbable possibility of becoming not just a Me & a You

But an Us

Or maybe I just like talking to myself

At least I know what to say & not to say

Plus I don't have to ever wonder what I think about it

After all, I am talking to myself

So I mourn

And maybe cry a little bit too

Die a little more every day

Waiting for nothing

Waiting for no one but myself

Picking up pieces of myself & dropping it back again

Making sure I know where each piece lay

So I'd know what I'm supposed to do without being told

Mirrors are mean

I find them brutally honest

More honest than the phonies I see around

Calling themselves my friends

 

At least when I look into my reflection

It doesn't try to pacify my ego & kiss my *ss

Scars & all the flaws that come with it

Exposed in all its entirety

My entity

The identity I've managed to keep hidden beneath a smile

All these years

I keep trying to find a way out when the only way is in. I'm kidding no one but myself & I keep finding nothing & everything at the same time. I find myself laughing at myself & often times I crack non stop & the next thing I know, I have slipped into the darkness of my own making. Sometimes I wish I could make it go away. I know I could. But there's something about it that I can't let go.

And 'till the day that you finally decide to show up my doorstep

I know it won't be too late to save me

Wishing on a star was never really my thing

But if I ever get to have one wish tonight

I'd wish we could waste time together than apart.