They all keep telling me that it's gonna be okay. That I'll be okay. That I'll come around sooner than soon. Of course it's gonna be better. Everything's gonna be okay! That's what I've been trying to tell myself since forever! And of course I'll come around, I always do. Everything has to get worse before anything becomes better. The point is, it will get better. Eventually. But everything isn't okay right now, and it sucks. Everything sucks.
It's okay though, I will be okay. Eventually.
But what hurts the most is when you start healing. When everything slowly comes around, the pieces all coming together going to their respective places and everything's just like it used to or maybe should be, and it feels like nothing ever happened. 'Cause all is well and good again. When you're all healed up, band aids and bandages off, every cut and wound, the pain all gone and forgotten and all that remains are your battle scars. Forever marked. To always remind you of what you've been through. To remind you that the worse is over and that more has yet to come so keep your eyes wide open and your heart on guard.
Days, months and even years will pass, there will come a point in your life when you try to remember, reminisce what once was. Searching for clues and hints on how to pass what is now. And maybe for future references as well. When you start trying to remember everything, how it all started and how it led you to where you are now. How it felt, how happy you were, the joy, then the storm, the cold, the pain, and then the rainbow. You think hard, dig deep, you try to remember how it felt and even touching your scars hoping it would help somehow.
And yet somehow, you can't remember. You search inside of you, you search deep and hard. Still nothing.
Then you'll find yourself lost in the oblivion you've created inside of your head. The obscurity of it all.
When all that's left is the nothingness. No pain, no joy, no memory of how it all came to be.
Nothing. All is lost and forgotten. Nothing. Nada. Void. Empty.
If you've been there, done that, then I guess were on the same page.
Personally, based on experience, I'd rather feel the pain over and over again than feel nothing at all. If that's what it takes to remind me constantly to keep me and to survive, it's a fair price to pay. 'Cause I often forget important things like that. More often than I'd like.
The pain and all the brouhahas that come with it. There is beauty in pain. Beauty itself is pain, very painful it is. But the truth, the unspoken prize of wisdom of knowing that after all that has come & gone, it couldn't be more perfect the way it had happened. The way it had been and the way it will all be.
Stitches, scratches, scars and all. I love 'em all.
But if perfection is a possibility, who wouldn't want to be perfect?
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