Here we go again

Darkness. Beautifully choreographed absence of everything good and everything that made sense.

Such bliss. The beautiful yet maddening kind of pain. Quite the addictive kind too.

It’s different. Running with your eyes closed. Having the freedom to choose when to open your eyes to the beauty around you. To open your eyes when you feel threatened or scared only to find out that the monsters only existed in your head.

I’m running in this darkness I’ve somehow managed to dodge all these years. I’m running in this darkness with my eyes wide open. I see nothing though. And I’m not scared. Somehow it feels like home. Like I’ve been here before. Maybe I have. Maybe this IS home.

I can’t quite figure out how this feels so. I can’t say the years have toughen me up quite a bit cause for all I know, I’m still the coward that I thought I used to know.

But tonight I’m not scared. I think I know my way around. In a way I am ready. In a way I’m not. I’ve never been sure about anything in my life. I don’t think I ever will feel so. But I do know I’m getting out of here. I may not know who I am yet but I know I’m not a quitter. Never again.